It’s no secret that I love the Big Bang Theory. While idiots or self-hating geeks might call it “Blackface for nerds” I can say that I’ve met the real-life versions of almost every lead in the show over the years. An old roommate of mine from college pretty much WAS Sheldon Cooper (if Sheldon Cooper was less of a neat freak anyway), a guy I worked with at the Jerk Store (and I’ll touch on the Jerk Store in a later post or two) looked, acted and even sounded a lot like Howard, and another friend of mine who worked there was very much a Raj. Another
friend of mine who was also my roommate in my mid-to-late twenties really reminded me of Leonard, if Leonard was more athletic and played basketball (and was a fan of watching it). So for me, the Big Bang Theory rings pretty true. The one way I’d say it’s different from real life, however, is the way in which the guys get their women. I’ve always said that any man could get a woman, no matter how geeky he was, and vice-versa for nerdy girls. They might not get a super model, but they can get someone who likes what they like. Big Bang Theory, however, is not the way to go if you’re looking for pointers on how to get a woman (or man if you’re a woman). If anything, When Harry met Sally is a better example of how to find a partner.
Now I, as I’ve said before, am certainly no Brad Pitt. I’m not Josh Gad or Seth Rogen though either. I’m just your average but somewhat schlubby geeky guy who used to be in athletic shape. I wouldn’t say I’m hideous but I wouldn’t say I’m Ryan Gosling either. Thing is though, I’ve always done okay for myself in terms of dating, and I think mostly it’s because I went the When Harry met Sally route.
Now, if you’re reading this and you’re like, eighteen years old (or even younger), you’re probably not going to remember the movie or know what it is. If you’re my age or older though, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.
When Harry Met Sally was like THE romantic comedy back in its day and I think it was the first to really tackle the whole “friends with benefits” thing that Justin Timberlake and Ashton Kutcher would later tackle in their shitty movies twenty years later. The plot centers around two acquaintances running into one another ten or so years after they had an awkward carpool situation in college. After Harry and Sally get to talking, he decides he can break his “one rule” of sorts that he establishes earlier in the film and that rule is that “men and women cannot be friends,” because somehow they’ll end up in bed together or they’ll develop romantic feelings for one another.
As the film nears its climax, Harry and Sally, predictably, end up in bed together and it DOES INDEED ruin their friendship but they replace it with a romantic relationship at the end. And if you cry spoilers over a movie that’s twenty-eight years old, you really need to go outside, go for a walk and get laid.
Now I, as I’ve said before, am not a male model nor would anyone accuse me of having the physique of a quarterback. In spite of that, however, I’ve almost always been in one relationship or another steadily for the past eight years or so (though I did have a “gap year” from 2012 to 2013 that was pretty damn brutal). So how did I do it? Well, I’m no player and I’ve hardly, if ever, had the confidence to just walk up to some hot girl in a bar and ask for her number. I’m not James Bond.
What I’d do was I almost always went the “friends route.” That is to say, if I found someone of the opposite sex that I really thought was cool or interesting and we got to be friends, I’d always see where it would go from there, and if I felt that it was going to go somewhere good, I’d stick with the friendship but if I thought they were going to get with some guy and I’d lose my shot, I’d move on to some other girl that I thought was interesting.
And ultimately, I think that’s the best way to go, especially if you want to find someone who shares and accepts your geeky interests and you want something real and genuine that has a shot of being good or great. I could be wrong though and maybe y’all have balls (or vaginas) of steel and the player thing works for you, but I know from my own experience it’s better to aim for being Harry than it is to be James Bond.
There is, however, potential down sides to going from friends to partners (because “friends to lovers” sounds cheesy). If the transition works, everything is fine and great and you’ve probably found your soulmate. If you screw it up though, you’re left with one less friend and a whole slew of custody battles with your mutual friends. And if you’re a Larry David style asshole like I am, you could find yourself in a situation where your friends choose your girlfriend/fiancee/ex-wife etc. over you.
A good friend of mine and I have been testing the water, so to speak, over the last couple of weeks and I think there could be something good brewing there and I think it’s just the thing to help me get out of this “open relationship” with Madison that I’ve really wanted to get out of. I just have to weigh the risks that I talked about above versus the rewards and do my best to make sure I don’t screw things up and then hope for the best, because that’s something those of us who weren’t blessed with the looks of Pierce Brosnan just have to do.